I hope mine doesn't look like that
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
