she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
