Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
someone owes me an orgasm
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
