Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
