At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
