I want to stick my p in your. b.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
