Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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