So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
