i was born a porn star she said
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
