I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
