My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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