You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
