i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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