We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
