And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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