We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
