you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
