people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
