So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
