she was so not down for the gang bang
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hippo gnu deer
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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