walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
