There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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