The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
