You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
