just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
