i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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