I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I looked at my own cervix.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
