YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
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