We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
