Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
