Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
