honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
