The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just invented taco cereal.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
