Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
