Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
