please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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