i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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