bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
