Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
