Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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