as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
