I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
