Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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