I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
