I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
They have beer where we have blood.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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