i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
