STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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