I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
