im drinking this country out of the recession.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
