apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
