I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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