Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
